So, this advice is as much for me as it is for you. I have been single for three years now, after having gotten out of a strange "pseudo" relationship with my best friend that lasted three years in college. And I have been very on the fence about getting out into the dating game again. It's not that I don't want to find a boyfriend (and eventually a husband), but I keep finding reasons why someone just isn't right, and then I back away, so that if that person was considering asking me out or making a move, he can sense the shift in my own feelings towards him, and he never follows through.
Why do I do this? Well, I believe it's for a couple of reasons. And you might be feeling this, too. First, I went through a lot of "puppy love" crushes in my time, and fell for a lot of guys who just weren't right for me. Two in particular stand out. One was verbally abusive, and the other was a cynical atheist. As much as I tried, I found it difficult, and each time it didn't work out, I ended up a bit hardened by the experience. Now, looking at the men in my life, I've determined that unless he's "perfect," I want nothing to do with him. And that's not necessarily right...is it?
Father Mike is one of my favorite YouTube personalities, and I'm sure you've seen him on this blog before. So, before we continue, I ask that you take a few minutes to watch this video and then keep reading.
Okay. So, if you're like me, your first reaction was a bit of indignity. What do you mean I don't have a soulmate?! Yeah, I thought that too. But, it makes sense. I always thought it was a bit sad to consider that if we do have soulmates, then what happens when someone marries the wrong person? For example, let's say I'm supposed to marry a guy named Bob. But, then instead of marrying me, Bob marries Kay for whatever reason. And then, I end up marrying someone else. But, now, Bob, Kay, me, and my spouse are with the wrong people. Doesn't that mess everything up? Well, perhaps, if Fr. Mike is right, this is not the case.
I like that he addresses the issue of perfection here. There is a guy I'm curious about. I've met him through work. He's very nice, kind, and Catholic. But, I'm just not sure that he's "the one". And I'm holding back on him. Well, there are two issues here, as I'm sure many of you could point out. One is that going on a date or two does not equal marriage. This is true. My issue is that I like to look ahead. So, if I don't think this is going to work out now, then why waste his time and mine and go out? That's what happened with my best friend. We knew it wasn't going to work, but we wasted three years on each other.
And the other issue, which I half-addressed above is that there isn't necessarily "the one". Our Father gave us free will. But, by choosing one person for us, a single option that must be followed...that's not really free will, is it?
This is a lot to think about, I know. And I'm not necessarily saying this is the correct answer. But, it was some good food for thought. And it has made me think a bit more. Perhaps, instead of waiting for perfection, which can only be found in Jesus Christ, I should be a bit more open to options. And perhaps, if you're struggling with being alone, this might be something to consider as well. Think about it.
Until next time, brothers and sisters. God bless,
Little Sister
