Advice for Lonely Singles

So, this advice is as much for me as it is for you.  I have been single for three years now, after having gotten out of a strange "pseudo" relationship with my best friend that lasted three years in college.  And I have been very on the fence about getting out into the dating game again.  It's not that I don't want to find a boyfriend (and eventually a husband), but I keep finding reasons why someone just isn't right, and then I back away, so that if that person was considering asking me out or making a move, he can sense the shift in my own feelings towards him, and he never follows through.

Why do I do this?  Well, I believe it's for a couple of reasons.  And you might be feeling this, too.  First, I went through a lot of "puppy love" crushes in my time, and fell for a lot of guys who just weren't right for me.  Two in particular stand out.  One was verbally abusive, and the other was a cynical atheist.  As much as I tried, I found it difficult, and each time it didn't work out, I ended up a bit hardened by the experience.  Now, looking at the men in my life, I've determined that unless he's "perfect," I want nothing to do with him.  And that's not necessarily right...is it?

Father Mike is one of my favorite YouTube personalities, and I'm sure you've seen him on this blog before.  So, before we continue, I ask that you take a few minutes to watch this video and then keep reading. 

Okay.  So, if you're like me, your first reaction was a bit of indignity.  What do you mean I don't have a soulmate?!  Yeah, I thought that too.  But, it makes sense.   I always thought it was a bit sad to consider that if we do have soulmates, then what happens when someone marries the wrong person?  For example, let's say I'm supposed to marry a guy named Bob.  But, then instead of marrying me, Bob marries Kay for whatever reason.  And then, I end up marrying someone else.  But, now, Bob, Kay, me, and my spouse are with the wrong people.  Doesn't that mess everything up?  Well, perhaps, if Fr. Mike is right, this is not the case.

I like that he addresses the issue of perfection here.  There is a guy I'm curious about.  I've met him through work.  He's very nice, kind, and Catholic.  But, I'm just not sure that he's "the one".  And I'm holding back on him.  Well, there are two issues here, as I'm sure many of you could point out.  One is that going on a date or two does not equal marriage.  This is true.  My issue is that I like to look ahead.  So, if I don't think this is going to work out now, then why waste his time and mine and go out?  That's what happened with my best friend.  We knew it wasn't going to work, but we wasted three years on each other.

And the other issue, which I half-addressed above is that there isn't necessarily "the one".  Our Father gave us free will.  But, by choosing one person for us, a single option that must be followed...that's not really free will, is it?

This is a lot to think about, I know.  And I'm not necessarily saying this is the correct answer.  But, it was some good food for thought.  And it has made me think a bit more.  Perhaps, instead of waiting for perfection, which can only be found in Jesus Christ, I should be a bit more open to options.  And perhaps, if you're struggling with being alone, this might be something to consider as well.  Think about it.

Until next time, brothers and sisters.  God bless,

Little Sister

The Importance of Community

Sometimes, people ask why we need to go to Mass.  Can't I get the same experiences praying at home?  Plus, I can do it on my own time and at my own pace.  Mass is just too long, etc.  The list goes on and on.  And yes, there is something to be said for praying at home.  But, the sense of community cannot be overlooked.  After all, didn't our Lord say that were two or more are gathered in His name, he will be there among them? (Matthew 18:20)

And I think it goes deeper than that.  Today, at Mass, one of our parishioners had a heart attack.  I wasn't able to see who it was, but I heard it was a woman.  As of right now, we do not know if she is alive or dead.  But, rather than being horrified at this news, think of it this way: she was surrounded by her community in her hour of need.  And, if we believe the Gospels to be true (which we do), then God was more certainly with her.  Of course, God is with us always, as was stated in Matthew 28:20, "And behold I am with you always, even to the end of the age".   She came to mass alone, so that means she might be widowed or never married.  Imagine the alternative of dying alone at home with no one to take care of her.  Rather, she was surrounded by community who called 911, performed CPR, and rushed to her aid.  And of course, God was with her.

We all fell into silent prayer while the paramedics came to help.  One of the women from my parish, who was sitting in my pew, gripped my arm and held onto me for support, and I held her hand.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm somewhat emotionally stunted.  I don't like to talk about emotional things, and I don't know how to respond when people cry to me.  But, God blessed me in that moment, and allowed me to be strong enough for both of us, to hold my sobbing sister in Christ, and be there for her in that moment.  That's community.  Being there for each other in good times and in bad.  That's why it is important to go to Mass instead of just praying at home.  Because the early Christians were a community, and because God wants us to remain a community.  And because we need to take care of each other.

God bless you all,

Little Sister

Vocation

When I was a kid, I started to consider if I wanted to spend my life as a nun.  As I got a little older, my plans changed, but because of my interest, I still receive information from the local seminary, such as their newsletter, every couple of months.  I believe that we are all called to vocations, whether that is religious life, married life, or even just to be single.  This was a very powerful video and very thought provoking.  I pray that you take ten minutes out of your day to watch it.

This video was found on the wonderful site Catholic Memes.  If you would like more information, or if you're feeling called to explore your vocation, please visit the official site here.

1 Kings 19:11-13

I've written blogs in the past, but usually I don't find myself completely at a loss for topics right at the start.  But, that's what happened this time around.  I set up the blog (easy) and wrote my introduction post (also fairly easy), but when the time came to write about something besides myself, I developed a terrible case of writer's block.  Fortunately, at mass today, things all sort of fell into place and I found my topic.

Today's first reading at mass just happened to be one of my all-time favorites: 1 Kings 19:11-13:  

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

 I've loved this verse since the first time I heard it, but it really became important to be about a year or so ago.  I was a senior in college and going on a retreat that I did not want to attend.  I'm not going to go into too much detail about it here, but for a while, my relationship with God was a bit strained.  And when this retreat came up, I didn't want to go.  But, circumstances sort of worked out in such a way that before I knew what happened, I had been given the coveted last spot on the trip, and was going to be spending a weekend with the Sisters of the Humility of Mary, praying and contemplating.

As I said, circumstances worked out in such a way that I ended up on this retreat.  And I have no doubt in my mind that it was the hand of God which got me there.  Looking back, I know in my heart that God wanted me to come and spend a weekend with Him.  In spite of myself, I found so much healing that weekend.  It really was a retreat that changed my life.

Towards the end of the retreat, I joined a session to go and pray with the labyrinth, a very old an beautiful prayer where you walk around the twisting and winding path of the labyrinth, patterned on the floor.

This is one of my favorite forms of prayer, and I don't get to do it nearly as much as I would like.  At the start of the labyrinth, you keep a thought in your head, sort of like a prayer.  Perhaps it's something like "Which college should I attend?" or "Should I apply for that promotion at work?"  (For me, the focus was about a guy I was seeing at the time.  We were very much infatuated with each other, but we had a lot of issues in our relationship, and I wanted to know what to do about it.)  By the time you reach the center of the maze, the answer is supposed to come to you.  And on your winding way back out, you contemplate the answer you have received, before sitting again in quiet prayer.

I had been walking to the labyrinth, which was out in a field, and my thoughts were confused and frustrated.  As I said before, I had no doubts that God wanted me on this retreat, but I could not understand why I was not getting the Big Answer.  I had been expecting enlightenment, something hitting me like lightning or fireworks.  I had been half expecting the voice in the clouds saying "Little Sister, I have called you here because ________."  But, all I had was silence.  That's when it hit me.

 

I had been looking for the Lord to come to me in the guise of fire; or an earthquake; or a great, driving wind.  And I had been disappointed.  But, then, in that moment, I heard His voice as a little whisper in my heart, a realization that left me trembling about close to tears.  I had been quoting that verse all weekend, since it came up in one of my reflections.  And yet, it took me until that moment to realize that all this time, God was talking to me, but I just didn't hear him because I was expecting something bigger and grander.  It was a very humbling and powerful experience.  And as I listened to this reading at mass today, I found myself filled with that same humbling sense of awe.